You have had us in stitches all weekend boo bear!!! Today Noni and I were resting quietly while you were playing nicely. I was stretched out on one of the couches and you come up and are stroking my hair and say, "Don't worry Mommy, I am NOT going to cut your hair!" I was wide awake then! Haha! Then this afternoon we take you to Target and when we pull into the parking lot you say, "Mommy, if you are a good girl we can get me a toy!" You just seem to have things figured out huh? Thanks for always making me laugh boo!! I had a super fun weekend with you! I love you!
P.S.- Mommy was a very good girl and yes, you got a Hot Wheel!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Little Musician
Hey boo bear! Mommy sure had a fun night with you tonight!! I don't know why I have never done this with you before, but tonight we pulled out my violin from when I was a little girl and my guitar from when I was a teenager. You absolutely LOVED playing music. You had so much fun singing and strumming and, sawing (on the violin). You played the guitar and sang "Jesus Loves Me" very sweetly. Then your song turned to "Curious George loves me, the Bible tells me so" and by the end of the night it was "Jesus loves me and wants me to have a toy, the Bible tells me so". I love so much your songs! You came up with some kind of interesting folk sounding songs too. Mommy enjoyed our special, musical time together so much!!
Here you enjoyed playing both at once. You started kicking your feet too so I guess you probably could have played a drum with your feet if we'd had one! A one-man band!
We had a really fun night together, sharing music! I love you Matthew!!!
Monday, August 23, 2010
My hero Amy Grant- I'm a "Grant-head"
Yes, Amy Grant. Everyone knows how I am with Amy Grant and I guess it's time I let you in on my madness also. I am the biggest hugest fan of Amy Grant. I grew up listening to Amy Grant. She was the music of my childhood. I remember my first purple boombox and listening to her cassette tapes on there...I remember Aunt Carrie and I rollerskating to her in my grandmother's backyard...I remember Noni returning a cassette tape of Amy's that we gave her for her birthday because she thought it was too "rockish". We all have grown and evolved with Amy. We watched her go from a awkward teenager singing boldly about her faith with an acoustic guitar to a young woman jumping around a stage with electric guitars and a leopard-print jacket. Yikes! It's so funny to me now, but this was so hard for the Christian community to swallow back then. Amy continued to grow and she had babies and weathered the tough stuff in life- a divorce and depression- and celebrated life's sweetness with a new marriage and a new baby. Amy is approaching her 50th birthday now. I can't believe it. She is still making music and I am still one of her crazy followers. Her music is so honest and true. She can be so raw sometimes and her music tells her story. I think it tells everyone's stories though. A lot is just about life. And as I have passed through stages she has written music from, and listen to that music again- now as someone in that same stage of life- it means ever more to me. My all-time favorite album is "Behind the Eyes". This album came out right before my sophomore year of college and is so honest. It speaks of hope and it speaks of pain. I have been in stages of life where I could identify with many of these songs and I find I am in a stage again where these songs really can grasp my struggles. I wrote about "Missing You" the other day- that is on this album. So is "Takes a Little Time" which I need to remember right now. "Cry a River" is good for my welled-up soul. "Somewhere Down the Road" leads the way as songs of hope on this album. For years "Turn this World Around" was probably my "theme" song. I guess an all-time favorite. But favorites change all the time based on what I'm going through in life. She has another song called "Say" that came on a bonus album that I love also. But here are the words to your mom's "theme" song- "Turn This World Around" (later my theme turns to a different song- "Believe", but that's later in the post)
I guess that is the social worker in your mom. The optimist in me. It's a simple song, yet so true. Anyway. I love that song.
So, on August 19, 1995 your Aunt Carrie, her boyfriend at the time, and I went to an Amy Grant concert. I took a bouquet of flowers for Amy and through a series of security guards, finally the flowers made it back to Amy. This was an outdoor concert and halfway through it started storming like crazy. Bad bad thunderstorm. Part of the concert was covered. Like the stage and the good seats and all. So despite the thunder and lightning, Amy continued to play. We were in the seats at the very back- the uncovered ones. Pretty soon we were all by ourselves in the pouring down rain, but we were having such a great time standing on the seats and singing our hearts out. And then I hear...."I want to dedicate this next song to Kelly...if you've survived the rain out there!" Oh my goodness!!!! I about fell off the seat I was standing on. I ran up by the stage and was screaming "That's me! That's me!", but of course she couldn't hear me or anything. The kind security guards who had taken the flowers back to Amy remembered me and allowed me to stay up by the stage for my song before ushering me back into the rain. The song she dedicated to me was "Wise Up" which was/is one of her older songs off her "Unguarded" album. (This was her "House of Love" tour)Kind of an ironic song she dedicated to me. You'll see. But anyway, hear are the words:
Cool huh? THEN, October of 2005 came around. My brain-dead brain can't quite remember the exact date- but it was the 19-21stish or something around there. If I was at our house I could tell you- but anyway. I was a member of her online fan club and my name got drawn to get to meet Amy after a concert!!! Oh my goodness!!! My dream come true. I always said that someday I would get to meet her and that day was then. Being a guy, you won't apreciate how agonizing picking out the clothes for this occasion was, but any woman reading will understand. Then there was sitting through the concert. Which was AMAZING by the way!!! And then waiting to meet Amy afterwards. Your daddy waited with me patiently to be let into the room where Amy was and survived numerous brain screams as he met Amy fans that were even freakier than I am ("This is what we do!"), but finaly they let me back into the room. There she was. I couldn't contain myself. I buried my face in the shoulders of one of my new Amy-freak BFFs and let out a small scream. She was like, IN THE SAME ROOM!! Apparently while standing in the line to meet her I lost some color in my face and became weak as we got closer to Amy. Someone called for a chair and I was placed in it and told not to move- that they would bring Amy to me. (Apparently I really was going to be one of those fans that passed out!) I will never forget Amy coming over and extending her hand to me "Hey! It's so nice to meet you!" me- "Can I hug you?" Amy- "Of course! Wait! (I'm trying to get up at this point) I'll come to you." And she knelt down and gave me the biggest greatest hug ever. (I do have it captured on film somewhere). Then she helped me stand up to take some pictures, sign a few things and it was over. My glorious few moments with Amy was over- but they will live forever in my memory. Someday I hope to be able to scan the pictures to put on here. Amy had a new song then, "Believe" and that has been my favorite song ever since that time. Also my favorite word (if you haven't noticed all the "Believe" stuff all over the house and stuff!) Here are the words for "Believe" (my past five-years theme song) :
We are all the same it seems
Behind the eyes
Broken promises and dreams
In good disguise
All we're really looking for is somewhere
Safe and warm
The shelter of each other in the storm
[Chorus:]
Maybe one day
We can turn and face our fears
Maybe one day
We can reach out through our tears
After all it's really not that far
To where hope can be found
Maybe one day
We can turn this world around
Who can trace the path of time
Not you or me
The twisting road we call our lives
We cannot see
The hunger and the longing everyone of us
Knows inside
Could be the bridge between us if we try
[Chorus]
Broken promises and dreams
In good disguise
All we're really looking for is somewhere
Safe and warm
The shelter of each other in the storm
[Chorus:]
Maybe one day
We can turn and face our fears
Maybe one day
We can reach out through our tears
After all it's really not that far
To where hope can be found
Maybe one day
We can turn this world around
Who can trace the path of time
Not you or me
The twisting road we call our lives
We cannot see
The hunger and the longing everyone of us
Knows inside
Could be the bridge between us if we try
[Chorus]
I guess that is the social worker in your mom. The optimist in me. It's a simple song, yet so true. Anyway. I love that song.
So, on August 19, 1995 your Aunt Carrie, her boyfriend at the time, and I went to an Amy Grant concert. I took a bouquet of flowers for Amy and through a series of security guards, finally the flowers made it back to Amy. This was an outdoor concert and halfway through it started storming like crazy. Bad bad thunderstorm. Part of the concert was covered. Like the stage and the good seats and all. So despite the thunder and lightning, Amy continued to play. We were in the seats at the very back- the uncovered ones. Pretty soon we were all by ourselves in the pouring down rain, but we were having such a great time standing on the seats and singing our hearts out. And then I hear...."I want to dedicate this next song to Kelly...if you've survived the rain out there!" Oh my goodness!!!! I about fell off the seat I was standing on. I ran up by the stage and was screaming "That's me! That's me!", but of course she couldn't hear me or anything. The kind security guards who had taken the flowers back to Amy remembered me and allowed me to stay up by the stage for my song before ushering me back into the rain. The song she dedicated to me was "Wise Up" which was/is one of her older songs off her "Unguarded" album. (This was her "House of Love" tour)Kind of an ironic song she dedicated to me. You'll see. But anyway, hear are the words:
Got myself in this situation
I'm not sure about
Climbing in where there's temptation
Can I get back out
I never can quite find the answer
The one I want to hear
The one that justifies my action
Says the coast is clear
something on the outside
Says to jump on in
Something on the inside
Is telling me again
[Chorus:]
Better wise up
Better think twice
Never leave room for compromise
You better wise up
Better get smart
And use your head to guard your heart
It's gonna get rough
So you better wise up
Take a look at your intentions
When you have to choose
Could it be that aprehension
Might be telling you
To back off now is better
So take your heart and run
But get your thoughts together
Before they come undone
[Chorus]
To back off now is better
So take your heart and run
But get your thoughts together
Before they come undone
[Chorus]
Better wise up...
I'm not sure about
Climbing in where there's temptation
Can I get back out
I never can quite find the answer
The one I want to hear
The one that justifies my action
Says the coast is clear
something on the outside
Says to jump on in
Something on the inside
Is telling me again
[Chorus:]
Better wise up
Better think twice
Never leave room for compromise
You better wise up
Better get smart
And use your head to guard your heart
It's gonna get rough
So you better wise up
Take a look at your intentions
When you have to choose
Could it be that aprehension
Might be telling you
To back off now is better
So take your heart and run
But get your thoughts together
Before they come undone
[Chorus]
To back off now is better
So take your heart and run
But get your thoughts together
Before they come undone
[Chorus]
Better wise up...
Cool huh? THEN, October of 2005 came around. My brain-dead brain can't quite remember the exact date- but it was the 19-21stish or something around there. If I was at our house I could tell you- but anyway. I was a member of her online fan club and my name got drawn to get to meet Amy after a concert!!! Oh my goodness!!! My dream come true. I always said that someday I would get to meet her and that day was then. Being a guy, you won't apreciate how agonizing picking out the clothes for this occasion was, but any woman reading will understand. Then there was sitting through the concert. Which was AMAZING by the way!!! And then waiting to meet Amy afterwards. Your daddy waited with me patiently to be let into the room where Amy was and survived numerous brain screams as he met Amy fans that were even freakier than I am ("This is what we do!"), but finaly they let me back into the room. There she was. I couldn't contain myself. I buried my face in the shoulders of one of my new Amy-freak BFFs and let out a small scream. She was like, IN THE SAME ROOM!! Apparently while standing in the line to meet her I lost some color in my face and became weak as we got closer to Amy. Someone called for a chair and I was placed in it and told not to move- that they would bring Amy to me. (Apparently I really was going to be one of those fans that passed out!) I will never forget Amy coming over and extending her hand to me "Hey! It's so nice to meet you!" me- "Can I hug you?" Amy- "Of course! Wait! (I'm trying to get up at this point) I'll come to you." And she knelt down and gave me the biggest greatest hug ever. (I do have it captured on film somewhere). Then she helped me stand up to take some pictures, sign a few things and it was over. My glorious few moments with Amy was over- but they will live forever in my memory. Someday I hope to be able to scan the pictures to put on here. Amy had a new song then, "Believe" and that has been my favorite song ever since that time. Also my favorite word (if you haven't noticed all the "Believe" stuff all over the house and stuff!) Here are the words for "Believe" (my past five-years theme song) :
Would you think that I was crazy
If I said to you
I know a way that love can make
your wildest dreams come true
And all you have to do
Is
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
When you had enough
And givin' up has all but got you down
You sure could stand a helpin' hand
Get your feet back on the ground
Turn your world around
And
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
When your pride is tryin' to tell you
To do it by yourself
And you're running out of answers
And you need a little help
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
(If only you)
Just believe
If I said to you
I know a way that love can make
your wildest dreams come true
And all you have to do
Is
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
When you had enough
And givin' up has all but got you down
You sure could stand a helpin' hand
Get your feet back on the ground
Turn your world around
And
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
When your pride is tryin' to tell you
To do it by yourself
And you're running out of answers
And you need a little help
Believe
Miracles can happen
Just imagine
And believe
Open up your heart
The journey starts
When you believe
(If only you)
Just believe
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Re-Cap: July 2010, Part 2
So sleep is not my friend tonight/ this morning. Not that I advocate giving up at things in life, but I am giving up on sleep for at least the next little bit! But that's all I am giving up on!! :)
So, shall we continue on in July?
The weekend after the 4th was girls' weekend!!! Yay!!! One of my favorite events of the year! Now I know what you're thinking...girls' weekend. I am a boy. What does this have to do with me? Well my little sugar plum, we have let you in on our trip! Every year Noni, Aunt Carrie and I go to the beach for a girls' trip and since you have come along you have been an honorary guest. We have always had so much fun! We go to Charleston every year and to Folly Beach. This year we had so much fun that we stayed an extra day and went to the aquarium too!!
So anyway, yeah, I know, cut to the pictures mom!!!
We had such a fun trip and you always make it so much more special!! What a special little guy you are to this family!!
So, shall we continue on in July?
The weekend after the 4th was girls' weekend!!! Yay!!! One of my favorite events of the year! Now I know what you're thinking...girls' weekend. I am a boy. What does this have to do with me? Well my little sugar plum, we have let you in on our trip! Every year Noni, Aunt Carrie and I go to the beach for a girls' trip and since you have come along you have been an honorary guest. We have always had so much fun! We go to Charleston every year and to Folly Beach. This year we had so much fun that we stayed an extra day and went to the aquarium too!!
So anyway, yeah, I know, cut to the pictures mom!!!
My little beach bum!!! You LOVE the sand and the water. You couldn't be happier hangin' on the beach! You got into some serious sand work this year (and what sand villages would be complete without Thomas, Lightning McQueen and Mater?!), charged into the ocean braver than ever, and tried out a boogie board for the first time! Wow!!
I love these- you enjoying the sand with Oreo cookie crumbs all over your face! Just very precious to me!
You were kind enough to take some time to play/ hang out with us too.
You enjoyed the hotel a lot
And here are some pictures from the aquarium. Mommy, being the good mommy that I am, even took you to see the snakes (I would say they are my all-time greatest fear, but given current circumstances, I'll just say they are right up there near the top!)
We got to pet a baby alligator- oh my was mommy ever a nervous wreck to let you get so close to him!
We had such a fun trip and you always make it so much more special!! What a special little guy you are to this family!!
Re-Cap: July 2010- part 1
So, I have lots of time alone now, being that I am not at home with you and daddy now AND I am struggling heavily with insomnia, so the perfect time to catch up on your blog- right?! Well, I hope so. I haven't done much yet, because I love posting pictures on your blog and all our pictures are stored on our computer, back at our apartment, but I am trying to figure out what I can do. I guess if anything, I can always come back and edit the posts and add pictures, right? Maybe I can copy and paste from Facebook, but Mommy will figure it out.
So......July. I guess the logical place to start is the beginning, right? And July 4th, Independence Day, was our first big happening of the month! You celebrated with Mommy and Daddy on July 3rd actually. We went to the National Whitewater Center here in town! We had never been there before and there was so much to see and dream about doing someday! You got in some good bouldering experience and Daddy and I were so proud of our little rockclimber! You know that is one of Mommy and Daddy's passions and we hope you grow to love it too! You definitely seem as though you will! But anyway, at dark they had the fireworks and oh my, did you ever LOVE the fireworks! This was your first fireworks show and I will never forget it! Every time a firework went off you cheered "Yay fireworks!" It was adorable. We have video on youtube that Daddy took on his cell phone. It's video of the fireworks with you cheering in the background. Let's see.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZznvt2o-r4 You have to check it out- you are too cute!!! So let's see if Mommy can get some pictures rolling....
So......July. I guess the logical place to start is the beginning, right? And July 4th, Independence Day, was our first big happening of the month! You celebrated with Mommy and Daddy on July 3rd actually. We went to the National Whitewater Center here in town! We had never been there before and there was so much to see and dream about doing someday! You got in some good bouldering experience and Daddy and I were so proud of our little rockclimber! You know that is one of Mommy and Daddy's passions and we hope you grow to love it too! You definitely seem as though you will! But anyway, at dark they had the fireworks and oh my, did you ever LOVE the fireworks! This was your first fireworks show and I will never forget it! Every time a firework went off you cheered "Yay fireworks!" It was adorable. We have video on youtube that Daddy took on his cell phone. It's video of the fireworks with you cheering in the background. Let's see.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZznvt2o-r4 You have to check it out- you are too cute!!! So let's see if Mommy can get some pictures rolling....
Here is my rockclimbing boy!!!
Woo-hoo!!! Mommy got it! Okay, here are some more...
Here's you and Daddy. Daddy loved showing you everything and explaining about the whitewater and eddies and all kinds of stuff.
We saw a beautiful sunset over the "river" and settled down to watch the fireworks
And you were passed out in the car before we even got out of the parking lot! What a great Independence Day celebration we had! Praise God that we live in the country we do!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Letter to Matthew- Today
Today is all we are ever promised. We have to make the most of each moment. Ugh. Matthew, I want to be all wise and mom-ish and all, but I have to be honest with you. Someday you'll know all this anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter if I write about it. You were born into a very honest family and I have no intention on you being raised around family secrets or anything. So here is what's really on my heart today. I miss you. Your dad and I aren't living together right now. In fact Mommy just got out of the hospital yesterday. Mommy has been in a lot of treatment for anorexia and that's what this last hospitalization was for. But Matthew, please know baby how bad I am fighting this. With everything I have. Literally sweating and crying and gritting my teeth through it. Especially now. Now that I've come so close to losing it all. Being you and your daddy. There isn't anything in the world that I wouldn't do for you and your daddy and I guess that was the swift kick that I needed to get things moving for me. I have been stuck for so long.
Baby, I am so sorry you are having to suffer through this with us right now. I wish I could put a protective shield around you but all I can do is take care of you best I can and pray that God do the rest. I know you don't understand why mommy doesn't live at home right now and to be honest mommy doesn't really understand how it all ended up here either. Just know that your daddy and I (and all the rest of your biological and church family) love you with all our hearts. You have NEVER done anything wrong and never been the cause of ANY of my problems or daddy's problems. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are at school right now, hopefully napping. I am crying, missing you. I have an Amy Grant song "Missing You" running through my head all day when I think about you. "Missing you is just a part of livin' and missing you feels like a way of life. I'm living out the life that I've been given, but baby I still wish, you were mine." Matthew, you will always be my baby, whether we live under the same roof or not. No matter what happens here on this earth, we will always be together in the next. Remember we are only promised each day. But if anything should ever happen to me, I want you to know that your mommy loved you beyond heaven and earth. To infinity and beyond. And I adore you more than anything in this world. And that NONE of this is your fault or has to do with you. NONE. I love you baby.
Baby, I am so sorry you are having to suffer through this with us right now. I wish I could put a protective shield around you but all I can do is take care of you best I can and pray that God do the rest. I know you don't understand why mommy doesn't live at home right now and to be honest mommy doesn't really understand how it all ended up here either. Just know that your daddy and I (and all the rest of your biological and church family) love you with all our hearts. You have NEVER done anything wrong and never been the cause of ANY of my problems or daddy's problems. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are at school right now, hopefully napping. I am crying, missing you. I have an Amy Grant song "Missing You" running through my head all day when I think about you. "Missing you is just a part of livin' and missing you feels like a way of life. I'm living out the life that I've been given, but baby I still wish, you were mine." Matthew, you will always be my baby, whether we live under the same roof or not. No matter what happens here on this earth, we will always be together in the next. Remember we are only promised each day. But if anything should ever happen to me, I want you to know that your mommy loved you beyond heaven and earth. To infinity and beyond. And I adore you more than anything in this world. And that NONE of this is your fault or has to do with you. NONE. I love you baby.
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