Today is all we are ever promised. We have to make the most of each moment. Ugh. Matthew, I want to be all wise and mom-ish and all, but I have to be honest with you. Someday you'll know all this anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter if I write about it. You were born into a very honest family and I have no intention on you being raised around family secrets or anything. So here is what's really on my heart today. I miss you. Your dad and I aren't living together right now. In fact Mommy just got out of the hospital yesterday. Mommy has been in a lot of treatment for anorexia and that's what this last hospitalization was for. But Matthew, please know baby how bad I am fighting this. With everything I have. Literally sweating and crying and gritting my teeth through it. Especially now. Now that I've come so close to losing it all. Being you and your daddy. There isn't anything in the world that I wouldn't do for you and your daddy and I guess that was the swift kick that I needed to get things moving for me. I have been stuck for so long.
Baby, I am so sorry you are having to suffer through this with us right now. I wish I could put a protective shield around you but all I can do is take care of you best I can and pray that God do the rest. I know you don't understand why mommy doesn't live at home right now and to be honest mommy doesn't really understand how it all ended up here either. Just know that your daddy and I (and all the rest of your biological and church family) love you with all our hearts. You have NEVER done anything wrong and never been the cause of ANY of my problems or daddy's problems. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are at school right now, hopefully napping. I am crying, missing you. I have an Amy Grant song "Missing You" running through my head all day when I think about you. "Missing you is just a part of livin' and missing you feels like a way of life. I'm living out the life that I've been given, but baby I still wish, you were mine." Matthew, you will always be my baby, whether we live under the same roof or not. No matter what happens here on this earth, we will always be together in the next. Remember we are only promised each day. But if anything should ever happen to me, I want you to know that your mommy loved you beyond heaven and earth. To infinity and beyond. And I adore you more than anything in this world. And that NONE of this is your fault or has to do with you. NONE. I love you baby.
Showing posts with label Letter to Matthew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letter to Matthew. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Letter to Matthew- God will never leave you/ My inspiration
Matthew,
Hey sweet angel! You know yesterday, we were in the grocery store and I called you my sweet angel. You kept insisting that you were NOT an angel. I finally asked you if you weren't an angel, then what were you and you immediately said "A big boy!" That seems to be your quest in life right now- to be a big boy. You are growing up way to fast. I can't believe that you will be 4 in October. I'm sorry I didn't start this blog for you earlier. I had lots of good intentions- a journal for you, photo albums, scrapbooks, special letters on your birthday and at Christmas. But here it is, almost 4 years later and that stuff isn't done. I will do my best to re-cap your 3 1/2 years here with us and keep up with current times too.
If there is anything that I want you to know in life, boo bear, it is that you are loved. I hope through this blog and it's pictures, letters and stories, you will see what a blessing you have been in so many lives and how very much you are loved by so many people. Especially me and Daddy. You bring so much hope to me. I have watched you struggle through tough times, through your baby and toddler years and you always triumph through. You are such an amazing person to me and my inspiration.
Matthew, when you were around 18 months, we had you evaluated for developmental delays. There were things you should have been doing, particularly in the communication department, that you couldn't do. Mommy and Daddy wanted to get help to you and Mommy wishes I had done it sooner. The first person we met was Mr. Mark. He was like your case manager and always made sure that you got what you needed. You always got excited when he, or any of your therapists for that matter, came over. You started speech therapy with Mr. Josh when you were 20 months old. Around 22 months we added Occupational Therapy with Miss Corey and Miss Beth. Later on, maybe around 2 1/2 or so,we started seeing Miss Kristine, a social worker, who helped with behaviors and things like that. You always worked really hard with your therapists and made INCREDIBLE strides. By the time you aged out of the program at your 3rd birthday, they were ready to discharge you anyway because you had done so well! At this point you still have some delays and Sensory issues. And at your 3 year evaluation you were diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified). You have had to work harder than most kids to learn to talk, communicate and do other things. You have worked SO hard and Mommy and Daddy and everyone around you are SO proud of you. You are a little fighter, my friend, and you are coming out on top. Always remember that there is no challenge that you can't get through with your family's love and support and most of all GOD. Mommy and Daddy and maybe other friends and family can share stories on here of challenges that God has brought us through. And I definitely have some! But that's for another day, precious. For today, Mommy just wants you to know that you are my hero for continuing to persevere through all of your challenges. And I want you to know that your family will always be by your side. And most importantly, God will always be by your side. Nothing is impossible when you have God by your side.
Hey sweet angel! You know yesterday, we were in the grocery store and I called you my sweet angel. You kept insisting that you were NOT an angel. I finally asked you if you weren't an angel, then what were you and you immediately said "A big boy!" That seems to be your quest in life right now- to be a big boy. You are growing up way to fast. I can't believe that you will be 4 in October. I'm sorry I didn't start this blog for you earlier. I had lots of good intentions- a journal for you, photo albums, scrapbooks, special letters on your birthday and at Christmas. But here it is, almost 4 years later and that stuff isn't done. I will do my best to re-cap your 3 1/2 years here with us and keep up with current times too.
If there is anything that I want you to know in life, boo bear, it is that you are loved. I hope through this blog and it's pictures, letters and stories, you will see what a blessing you have been in so many lives and how very much you are loved by so many people. Especially me and Daddy. You bring so much hope to me. I have watched you struggle through tough times, through your baby and toddler years and you always triumph through. You are such an amazing person to me and my inspiration.
Matthew, when you were around 18 months, we had you evaluated for developmental delays. There were things you should have been doing, particularly in the communication department, that you couldn't do. Mommy and Daddy wanted to get help to you and Mommy wishes I had done it sooner. The first person we met was Mr. Mark. He was like your case manager and always made sure that you got what you needed. You always got excited when he, or any of your therapists for that matter, came over. You started speech therapy with Mr. Josh when you were 20 months old. Around 22 months we added Occupational Therapy with Miss Corey and Miss Beth. Later on, maybe around 2 1/2 or so,we started seeing Miss Kristine, a social worker, who helped with behaviors and things like that. You always worked really hard with your therapists and made INCREDIBLE strides. By the time you aged out of the program at your 3rd birthday, they were ready to discharge you anyway because you had done so well! At this point you still have some delays and Sensory issues. And at your 3 year evaluation you were diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified). You have had to work harder than most kids to learn to talk, communicate and do other things. You have worked SO hard and Mommy and Daddy and everyone around you are SO proud of you. You are a little fighter, my friend, and you are coming out on top. Always remember that there is no challenge that you can't get through with your family's love and support and most of all GOD. Mommy and Daddy and maybe other friends and family can share stories on here of challenges that God has brought us through. And I definitely have some! But that's for another day, precious. For today, Mommy just wants you to know that you are my hero for continuing to persevere through all of your challenges. And I want you to know that your family will always be by your side. And most importantly, God will always be by your side. Nothing is impossible when you have God by your side.
Here is a picture of you and Mr. Josh
And here you are with Miss Corey
Matthew, never forget all you've accomplished in your short, young life. Your family is always here for you and God will be with you always. You continue to be my inspiration and give me hope. Thank you.
I love you,
Mommy
I love you,
Mommy
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