Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Being a mom
The hardest thing about being a mom is watching your child suffer- in any way, be it physically or emotionally or whatever. When you hurt, I hurt. And I hurt bad. I know your little heart is breaking over the break-up of our family. I know you don't understand it. This weekend you were having a tantrum over getting your hair brushed and when I asked you what was really wrong you finally said, "Mommy, I just want you to live with me again". That broke my heart boo bear. I know you are hurting. Mommy is hurting too and even more so because you are hurting. This morning when I took you to school another little kid was being mean to you and it made me so mad. I tried to take up for you and when he started smart mouthing me, you took up for me! You were so good though- you weren't mean at all to this little boy. It breaks my heart that at three years old you are having to deal with bullies and kids being mean to you. I see them say things to you, and I want to put a protective bubble around you. I don't want anything to crush your spirit. I don't want anything to hurt you. It tears me to shreds to see you hurt. And this morning, that little boy, I know he is three and doesn't know what is going on for you at home, or that you have special needs and that to initiate play is HUGE for you, I know he doesn't know or understand that. It killed me to leave you in that classroom though. I felt like I was leaving a precious little lamb to be devoured by wolves. I have worried about you all day. I wonder if I should take you out of school. I worry what this is doing to your spirit and your self-esteem and all. I just don't want you to hurt. I know that it is human though. And I know I can't protect you from it. But it is so hard. It is definitely the hardest thing about being a mom. I love you my precious little angel. I admire your spirit. Keep fighting the good fight and know you are surrounded by love and support.